Hannah Locke, My Goodbye to You

Hannah,

I just haven't known what to say, if there was anything to say. So, I haven't said much, but today was your memorial. Remember all the fun we had planning your trip and planning to bring God's healing to the world using nursing in third world countries! Such a great time we had. I was so blessed and honored by your sincere hunger for the things of God and His will in your life. Thank you for every single question you asked me about nursing, missions and medical history. You helped me to understand myself and my place in this world just by your hunger for knowledge and God, while allowing me the great honor of being your mentor, more like a big sister. Such an honor, that words could never be adequate. You should of seen the crowds of young and old at your memorial services, well, I know you did. It was beautiful.

Just so you know, I never cry through funerals. Ever. Until today. I bawled, shamelessly to your honor, when they read your project proposal and missions trip funding letter. We worked on those for hours together, mostly I just reviewed your work and you asked a million questions to my greatest delight. Who knew, I was editing your eulogies? There aren't words. I'm glad you wrote them, cause even the slightest whisper has been evaporated from the air at this moment in time, more powerful than a "minute of silence."

I hope that all those young and old people remembering you today took or will take a minute of silence to find God. To see in God, what you knew to be true. Love is the one thing in life that never ends. God is love. He never ends. God's love in your heart that you showed the world will never stop. Though a seed falls to the ground, only in the seed's death is the life of the flower possible. I pray that your seed will continue on in the hearts of young and old to bring life to this world in a way that only you could do!

Your Dad said he wanted to "fix it". I wanted to "fix it" too, in my nursy way of course- a trillion medical assessments and interventions hit my mind, how could it be that you were just gone. I just am broken hearted. It's broke and I can't fix it. No one can. Except God. God's peace and love are my the hiding place for the rest my soul needs. I find myself at God's feet, seeking his words, I know his angels have been sent to help console this gaping hole. God's "fixed it", you're whole sitting on His lap in heaven asking God a million questions, much to his delight, I am sure.


Gungor "This is Not The End"

The Power of a Name

     So, there I am, exhausted. A few hours ago, I was puking my guts out in Calcutta, India. I had made the mistake of eating steak, which was actually probably water buffalo, after 8 weeks of vegatable curries. Bad idea. I found myself physically weak & light headed on way home to England, with multiple long international flights ahead. Having survived, what I thought to be the excessive thoroughness of the Amman, Jordan airport security, I found a quiet corner across from the duty free shopping stores. The smell of expensive perfume, spices & incense permeated the air burning my nostrils. Flowing ebony, burkas in sharp contrast, with white marble and sandstone architechture were just tasters of the Middle-East culture I found my self suddenly immersed in.

     I enjoyed sitting, watching and waiting for my next international flight across from the luxurary shopping stores, absorbing it all in. When a striking, immense figure approached. I honestly couldn't place his accent. He carried a 6 o'clock shadow, shaved head, tanned dried skin accented by the desert sun. No uniform; but, the typical kaki pants and t-shirt stretched out by his broad frame, an intimidating figure. He approached me and began to ask a series a questions with the general undertone of  "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU (a 19 yr old American white "girl") DOING IN THE MIDDLE-EAST (alone) ARE YOU CRAZY?!". He ultimately decided that my parents were crazy for letting me fly through the Middle-East, at a time like this. People associated with the USA at that time were being regularly kidnapped and assassinated in the Middle-East. I didn't have the heart to tell him, that I may have left my flight details out for my parents. But, I did clarify that I was NOT alone. I was with a Humanitarian Team working in India on our way home. Regretably, my team was no where to be seen, as usual off wandering the duty free shops.

     What happened next honestly still sends a chill down my spine! With distressed concern he emphasized, "if anyone gives you ANY trouble, you tell them my name or get me. I'll take care of them." with the tone of a probably trained killer. Then, as if I'm in action film of my own, he gave me a couple versions of "his name" which were actually closer to nicknames like "Mr. T".  My mind was racing, "Trouble? What do you mean by trouble?! We went through over an HOUR of thorough airport security, just shy of stripping us naked. What trouble could I get into? ... Then, if I'm harassed, I am to just say your 'name' and I'll be ok. Just tell them your name. Dear God, who IS this guy." After thanking him graciously for his help, should I need it; reassuring him I was not alone; and, promising that I was getting on the next flight out of the country, he left. Or so, I thought, he was concerned enough that I doubt he went very far.

I have been pondering my "Mr. T" experience. One, I am eternally grateful for my total stranger, "Bad-A Body Guard." Secondly, I am in awe of the power of a name. "Just tell them my name." The power of a name. How much power is in a name? "Just tell them my name." I am still in awe. People stand at a tension in the presence of people with the title King, Queen or President. Just their title, a name in it's simplest form, brings a change in behavior. A name is powerful. I can't help to but think of Jesus. The power of his name.


Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, (Philippians 2:9 NKJV)
If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. (John 14:14 NKJV)

Save me, O God, by Your name, (Psalm 54:1 NKJV)

And when they had set them in the midst, they asked, By what power or by what name have you done this? (Acts 4:7 NKJV)

Men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Acts 15:26 NKJV)

I called on Your name, O Lord, From the lowest pit. (Lamentations 3:55 NKJV)

For He who is mighty has done great things for me, And holy is His name. (Luke 1:49 NKJV)

For whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. (Romans 10:13 NKJV)

Cheating Death Together

     We all have seen people fight with such ferocity and determination they could of raised the dead! I was reminded of witnessing one of those fights, when it hit me. Humanity was created with the ability to defy death- Did Jesus not raise the dead? There is this latent death defying, death conquering, ferocious life power in everyone. Ferociously, compassionate Jesus defies death to it's face and putting things back the way they should be, back to life. God's compassion raised a ferocity to fight to bring humanity back to life.
     We are being made into the image and likeness of Christ. Our human ferocity and compassion comes from Jesus. "Jesus was more human than humanity. His was the most human face of all" (Beautiful Outlaw). Our disgust at un-timely death, desperate poverty and sickness is godly. Yes, God like. Human & God like in the very same breath. We are after all, made in his image and likeness.
     There is a roar in every soul . Something that cries so deep it sends ripples into the world around us. Like the ripples of a deafening scream, of a desperate soul willingly, diving headlong off a bridge; hitting the river water below with a cracking splash. I can see Jesus standing above calling and reaching his arms out to stop her; but, allowing free wills reign. His out stretched arms carry her home. We are all affected by each others ripples in the river of life. We are accountable to be aware of the substance of our life flow, for the sake of others that maybe drowned or lifted up by our wakes. As we are to be personally aware, we are to also be aware of others. God sent his son to earth; because, of this awareness of others. Jesus jumped into the middle of all this life & death; light & dark; good & evil to give a final happy ending for us! Jesus got involved with OTHERS. Jesus was no island unto himself. He choose to serve the widow by raising her son from the dead. We are to choose to be involved in the lives of those around us. To jump in and save people drowning in the waves of their own lives.
     As human beings living and breathing the same air, how can we not address defying death together? The world would call it "Cheating Death," as if we were playing poker game with the Grimm Reaper. We know Jesus didn't cheat death- He conquered death. He put death into its' proper place. Imagine Hell's hoards beat into submission by Jesus. Jesus was no puppy. He had the spirit of a protective, ferocious, guard dog. Jesus put death back in place and began the process of bringing the dead back to life!  Jesus cheated death on a regular basis. He saved the suicidal, raised the dead, healed deathly illnesses & then raised himself back from the dead. As much as, we are "dead in our trespasses and sins." We are "alive in Christ Jesus." Feelings of hopeless, darkness are part of the remains, of this death in humanity. We all experience parts of this death in our humanity. So, did Jesus before the cross. Did Jesus not weep & sweat blood in the garden out of the deep distress, of the task set before him? I think he must of had a normal aversion to pain too! Jesus was to face the embodiment of hopeless darkness- real death, cold and breathless- with a hoard of demons & Satan to greet him. How can we not see & rejoice, in the massive victory Jesus has obtained in defeating death! Death has been DEFEATED. Do not fear what has already been conquered. Face death with a confidence, guided by wisdom and discretion to not waste this life given to us. This life is so much richer now that we can live in the wake of Jesus. The ripples of our lives are affected by each other. Each others' darkness & light ripple into each other. As, each others' death & life ripple into each other.
      Let me try to put this into a more personal perspective. Licensed health care professionals are required by law to stop at car wrecks and offer assistance until an ambulance arrives. The State of Idaho states that I am legally accountable to help within my licensed ability anyone in immediate jeapordy: a car wreck on the road, a random person in a grocery store choking or passed out etc. I am to be aware of others in my sphere of life. I am to help them to the best of my ability at all times. If the State of Idaho keeps licensed health care workers accountable for the community around them; how much more will our Heavenly Father keep us Christians accountable for the community around us?What pressure and responsibility!
     I think the concept of being responsible and held accountable for the people in our sphere of life can be scary. It's INTENSE. So, we prefer to live as islands unto ourselves and not think about how our inaction or action can be affecting the people around us. Much less the fact, God holds us responsible for those in our lives! Facing death to help others is what God has called us to do. God has called us to be made into the image and likeness of Christ Jesus. Jesus faced death to help us- He calls us to face death in others & ourselves.
     We cannot really live life without conquering death.Why do you think some of the funnest craziest experiences have to do with facing life & death? For example: skydiving. SO MUCH FUN!!! Really, everyone should have skydiving on their Bucket List! You can't live in fear of death and actually live. I live with an edge of fearlessness of death; but, with a definite aversion to pain. They kind of balance each other out :)
      The roar in our soul that cries out in compassion and heart break is meant to raise the dead!  How do we stir-up this compassionate ferocity to fight against the powers of sin & death for our family, friends and strangers. We can't. The responsibility is too great. Our own ability to respond to sin-death in this world is too great. BUT. Jesus has taken on the responsibility to defeat death & sin for us. We must walk in his victory over death- not our victory over death- his victory. We cannot do it. We are responsible to point people towards Christ. We are responsible to speak-up for others, to compassionately guide them to Christs victory. We can't give others the victory over death. We are to point others to The Victor Over Death. Only Jesus has the power to defeat the sickly power of sin-death to set people free. Where do the hopeless find hope? Hopefully not in you; but, you can, out of compassion speak the truth in love without bitterness or superiority, in honest love to show them Jesus. Only from Jesus Christ pouring into our lives; can we pour Jesus out of our lives into others. Christ must first be poured into us until we are full of him. Like a cup is filled with water. We are to be filled with Jesus' victory over death. Being filled with his victory enables us to have victory over deaths minions: depression, guilt, bitterness, hopelessness ... Once we are filled with his victory we can pour the power of his victory out to others. Jesus poured out blood & water on the cross. The rippling drips of pooling blood and water beneath the cross have forever changed humanity. The rippling gush of his life giving water being poured onto humanity has offered a freedom from death that has no equal: eternal freedom and hope. Let's be filled with Jesus' life water; so, the ripples of our life water will be full of life and not death. Out of this fullness of life in Jesus we can possess the beauty of fierce compassion and honest love for the individuals in our communities. Then, we pour out Jesus in us, as an offering to God, onto others for Jesus' glory. As we pour out Jesus' life water, the water ripples as it hits the ground swirling and gushing into a person; causing more rippling waves, swirling into another person and another washing the death stains off of humanity.

May The Odds Ever Be In Your Favor

Images of the Hunger Games hackles the senses to a bloody metallic taste, mingled with the salty tang of sweat. You can almost hear your own heart beating, feel the sting of sore muscles. Hear the regular gasping breaths. The crunching of leaves under your feet, running, to survive.

I recently read the entire Hunger Games series. When, the Tributes hear the sounding bell for the Hunger Game to begin they run. They run as fast and as hard as they can, to get supplies and get hidden. That's how my nights are at work. I'll eat a full meal right before work, not knowing when I'll get another one. Eventhough, it's against State Law for me to not get a lunch. It's also against State Law for me to not get certain tasks done within a certain amount of time. Ultimately, lunch is not always possible. So, I hit the ground running, gather the supplies I need for the night and keep running to stay ahead of the clock. There is point, though, where your body begins to weaken. Hopefully at this point you've reached a "hiding place" or a break, ahead of the clock; where, you can eat and rest to finish the night out strong.

So many times in our spiritual lives we are also in our own personal Hunger Game. We need time to stop, rest and eat to keep going on, to survive. Just like our bodies need regular meals our spirit needs regular meals. I ask myself, Tiffany, what are you Hungering for in this Game of Life? To keep my focus straight I try and keep up with regular Jesus Dates. Yes, I said, Jesus Dates. 

My Jesus Dates are a time for me to unwind from my day and throw off the extra worries and weights of the day.

In the hectic life of being a nurse, I have to carve out time for me & Jesus. This last weekend was rough. medical emergencies don't just happen between 9-5 Monday through Friday. Although, I wish they did! I would get to have a normal sleeping, socializing, church attending schedule. Duty called this weekend; so, while working extra hours I missed church. In fact, I was so exhausted after this weekend I crumpled up into a ball on my bed and slept for a good 13 hours today. I needed re-fueled: physically, emotionally & spiritually. 

My Jesus Date tonight consisted of Dinner (yum!) with Pandora Radio on Hillsong & Phil Wickam play lists. Then, a Life Devotion by Pastor Robert Maasbac, http://youtu.be/cHadnwVOOeQ, with a cuppa coffee, of course. Next, some good ol' scripture reading, John 15. Finally, I love to journal my prayers and what I feel that God's been speaking to me. I feel like I can't stop talking about my Jesus Dates; but, they are so refreshing! Truly the most effective use of my time to re-energize in God. They are the only meals that fill me sufficeintly in the Hunger Game of Life. God is GOOD.  God is satisfying. You just gotta give Him a chance!